I love being a submissive girlfriend and I think it does amazing things for our relationship. However, despite all of the benefits of being submissive, sometimes I just don't feel like being submissive or obeying. I really think its part of my personality, I am extremely independent and very stubborn. Well this little personality trait came out today.
When Bryan was off with friends, I was spending time with myself, and pretty much blatantly broke a rule. I just did it without thinking about the consequences. I knew I wasn't suppose to do it but I didn't care, I wanted to do it so I did it. Well to my surprise when Bryan came home he asked me if I broke that rule. I was shocked that he asked and immediately answered yes. Well that was its. He grabbed the the paddle, bent me over the arm of the love seat, bared my bottom, and started swatting away at my poor behind. I was immediately regretting my decisions as the paddling contained. It finally stopped and even though it sucked it really did not help me feel submissive.
After the spanking we were sitting on the couch and Bryan asked me to do something. I really didn't want to do it and I really didn't feel like obeying so I just ignored him.
He than made me look at him and he said "say yes sir"
I really didn't want to say yes sir, I really didn't want to obey, but I really did not want to get another paddling. So I mumbled "yes sir" He than asked me to repeat "I will be submissive and obey" again I didn't want to at all but I wanted to save my ass. So I repeated him. Too bad it didn't save my ass. He asked me again to do it and I just point blank told him. "I don't want to, I don't feel like listening to you."
Again I was bent over and getting my bared bottom whipped and whipped hard. Bryan was making sure I knew he was in charge and that I knew my place. I was again regretting my actions. It funny how quickly I regret my actions when my ass is getting blistered. :)
As I have stated before being submissive is not something that comes natural to me. At all. I have bucked most authority since I was young. I was always a good kid, got good grades, in a sorority, and always having a part time job but I never liked to be told what to do.It still amazes me that I would flourish in a relationship where I am the submissive/subordinate partner. Not that I would like to be the dominate partner I just never thought I would want to be in a relationship where I gave up control and allowed someone else to call the shots. When I really think about it thought it makes perfect sense. I work in a male-dominated profession where there is a lot of pressure and stress and femininity is something a women tries to hide. It is nice to be able to let someone else call the shots and whats more trust that they were making they right calls. Its very freeing feeling. Also allowing a man to take control makes me feel very feminine, which I love. Most importantly being submissive makes me feel cared for and very loved. Yet sometimes I just buck it even when it is for my own good.
I finally did as I was told (after another spanking) and feel more submissive. I need to feel submissive and I need discipline but there are times when I do not want it and fight it tooth and nail. I think I would learn by now that the paddle always wins. :)