Friday, November 15, 2013

Sex and Submission

I have been thinking a lot about the relationship between sex and submission. How intertwined they are and if you can have submission without sexual submission. Some opinions are that the dynamic of DD and sex should not be intwined. When I first read this I thought, Shit! We are doing it wrong! Because spanking is so hot to me! However, through our relationship, research and self discover for us discipline, sex, dominance, submission are all interwind and they all work together.

When we first began this dynamic it started completely sexual and more of the BDSM variety. Essentially I was Bryan's submissive and he was my master. This was a dynamic we loved and found out that I really enjoy being submissive and Bryan really enjoys being in control. This wasn't really a surpirse. What surprised us the most and that we were finding was not only did we want this dynamic outside of the bedroom but the D/s bedroom relationship was very naturally flowing over into every aspect of our relationship. And we loved it!

A lot of the bedroom rules we had in the beginning had a lot to do with obeying and respecting and Bryan felt that these rules should not stop outside the bedroom. That is how we began our slow progress of me giving up control of everything and letting Bryan be in charge. However, I was still fully submissive in the bedroom.

A few months ago we took this sexual submission aspect of our relationship out. It felt weird. It was like I had some control again...which made me feel uncomfortable and I think Bryan felt less like he was the boss and in charge. So we modified somethings and I am back to being 100% submissive in the bedroom. 

This experience made me wonder, is there a link between sex and submission? For me I don't feel truly submissive to Bryan if I am not submissive in the bedroom. It does not seem right to me that I should be able to say "No" or not obey Bryan in everything. I trust him with my life and also with my body. Bryan would never make me do something I did not want to do or was uncomfortable with. I have gave my blanket consent because he loves me and would never do anything to harm me. I also gave my blanket consent because the idea of not being able to say "No" it a huge turn on for me. 

I also believe the actual act of sex puts the women in a submissive position. I don't want to get dirty or super erotic but many sexual positions are ones in which the man is completely in control and the women is at his will. The man is giving the women something and she is receiving it. For me sex is a reaffirmation of my submissive role. 

I also felt we were doing it "wrong" because both of us would get turned on during any type of spanking. Even when I was being punished and crying I would still get turned on and even when Bryan was so angry with me he would get turned. Its rare when a punishment spanking ends in sex but it has happened. This confused me and I felt like something was wrong with me.

The more I thought about it though the more it made sense. I love being controlled by Bryan. I love being submissive and having rules and consequences. To me a punishment spanking is the biggest show of all of this. Having to lay over Bryan's lap and let him bare my bottom and then paddle it until he is satisfied is the biggest act of a dominance and submission. So of course it would turn me on! That doesn't mean that I act up to get punished and turned on or that Bryan punishes me unwarranted to get turned on. Punishment spankings only happen when I have earned/deserved them. If I want to get turned on, I'll ask for a good girl spanking. I enjoy those SO much more! :) 

I have also decided that if punishment spankings turn us on? Who cares!? They still are effective because I regret my actions and try to avoid them and they make our sex life so hot! 

For us the Dominance/submissive dynamic needs to be present in the bedroom as well as daily life. 

How do others feel about this subject? I would love to hear from you! 

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