Sex and Submission

I have been thinking a lot about the relationship between sex and submission. How intertwined they are and if you can have submission without sexual submission. Some opinions are that the dynamic of DD and sex should not be intwined. When I first read this I thought, Shit! We are doing it wrong! Because spanking is so hot to me! However, through our relationship, research and self discover for us discipline, sex, dominance, submission are all interwind and they all work together.

When we first began this dynamic it started completely sexual and more of the BDSM variety. Essentially I was Bryan's submissive and he was my master. This was a dynamic we loved and found out that I really enjoy being submissive and Bryan really enjoys being in control. This wasn't really a surpirse. What surprised us the most and that we were finding was not only did we want this dynamic outside of the bedroom but the D/s bedroom relationship was very naturally flowing over into every aspect of our relationship. And we loved it!

A lot of the bedroom rules we had in the beginning had a lot to do with obeying and respecting and Bryan felt that these rules should not stop outside the bedroom. That is how we began our slow progress of me giving up control of everything and letting Bryan be in charge. However, I was still fully submissive in the bedroom.

A few months ago we took this sexual submission aspect of our relationship out. It felt weird. It was like I had some control again...which made me feel uncomfortable and I think Bryan felt less like he was the boss and in charge. So we modified somethings and I am back to being 100% submissive in the bedroom. 

This experience made me wonder, is there a link between sex and submission? For me I don't feel truly submissive to Bryan if I am not submissive in the bedroom. It does not seem right to me that I should be able to say "No" or not obey Bryan in everything. I trust him with my life and also with my body. Bryan would never make me do something I did not want to do or was uncomfortable with. I have gave my blanket consent because he loves me and would never do anything to harm me. I also gave my blanket consent because the idea of not being able to say "No" it a huge turn on for me. 

I also believe the actual act of sex puts the women in a submissive position. I don't want to get dirty or super erotic but many sexual positions are ones in which the man is completely in control and the women is at his will. The man is giving the women something and she is receiving it. For me sex is a reaffirmation of my submissive role. 

I also felt we were doing it "wrong" because both of us would get turned on during any type of spanking. Even when I was being punished and crying I would still get turned on and even when Bryan was so angry with me he would get turned. Its rare when a punishment spanking ends in sex but it has happened. This confused me and I felt like something was wrong with me.

The more I thought about it though the more it made sense. I love being controlled by Bryan. I love being submissive and having rules and consequences. To me a punishment spanking is the biggest show of all of this. Having to lay over Bryan's lap and let him bare my bottom and then paddle it until he is satisfied is the biggest act of a dominance and submission. So of course it would turn me on! That doesn't mean that I act up to get punished and turned on or that Bryan punishes me unwarranted to get turned on. Punishment spankings only happen when I have earned/deserved them. If I want to get turned on, I'll ask for a good girl spanking. I enjoy those SO much more! :) 

I have also decided that if punishment spankings turn us on? Who cares!? They still are effective because I regret my actions and try to avoid them and they make our sex life so hot! 

For us the Dominance/submissive dynamic needs to be present in the bedroom as well as daily life. 

How do others feel about this subject? I would love to hear from you! 

"I don't want to, I don't feel like listening to you."

Hello! Sorry I have not written in awhile. I have been super busy with school and work. I have a three day weekend this weekend so I have some time to post. :)

I love being a submissive girlfriend and I think it does amazing things for our relationship. However, despite all of the benefits of being submissive, sometimes I just don't feel like being submissive or obeying. I really think its part of my personality, I am extremely independent and very stubborn. Well this little personality trait came out today.

When Bryan was off with friends, I was spending time with myself, and pretty much blatantly broke a rule. I just did it without thinking about the consequences. I knew I wasn't suppose to do it but I didn't care, I wanted to do it so I did it. Well to my surprise when Bryan came home he asked me if I broke that rule. I was shocked that he asked and immediately answered yes. Well that was its. He grabbed the the paddle, bent me over the arm of the love seat, bared my bottom, and started swatting away at my poor behind. I was immediately regretting my decisions as the paddling contained. It finally stopped and even though it sucked it really did not help me feel submissive.

After the spanking we were sitting on the couch and Bryan asked me to do something. I really didn't want to do it and I really didn't feel like obeying so I just ignored him.
He than made me look at him and he said "say yes sir"

I really didn't want to say yes sir, I really didn't want to obey, but I really did not want to get another paddling. So I mumbled "yes sir" He than asked me to repeat "I will be submissive and obey" again I didn't want to at all but I wanted to save my ass. So I repeated him. Too bad it didn't save my ass. He asked me again to do it and I just point blank told him. "I don't want to, I don't feel like listening to you."

Wrong answer!

Again I was bent over and getting my bared bottom whipped and whipped hard. Bryan was making sure I knew he was in charge and that I knew my place. I was again regretting my actions. It funny how quickly I regret my actions when my ass is getting blistered. :)

As I have stated before being submissive is not something that comes natural to me. At all. I have bucked most authority since I was young. I was always a good kid, got good grades, in a sorority, and always having a part time job but I never liked to be told what to do.It still amazes me that I would flourish in a relationship where I am the submissive/subordinate partner. Not that I would like to be the dominate partner I just never thought I would want to be in a relationship where I gave up control and allowed someone else to call the shots. When I really think about it thought it makes perfect sense. I work in a male-dominated profession where there is a lot of pressure and stress and femininity is something a women tries to hide. It is nice to be able to let someone else call the shots and whats more trust that they were making they right calls. Its very freeing feeling. Also allowing a man to take control makes me feel very feminine, which I love. Most importantly being submissive makes me feel cared for and very loved. Yet sometimes I just buck it even when it is for my own good.

I finally did as I was told (after another spanking) and feel more submissive. I need to feel submissive and I need discipline but there are times when I do not want it and fight it tooth and nail. I think I would learn by now that the paddle always wins. :)

Spanking Survey!!

I found this survey on one of my favorite blogs, The Taming of the Shrew, and thought it would be fun to do!

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

50 Shades of Grey. I read the book and was extremely attracted to the whole idea of dominance and submission, punishments, and spankings. 

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

Sir or Baby

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

Babe or Baby

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

The heavy wooden paddle 

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

Good Girl Spankings :)

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

Go get the paddle 

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

I may be nuts for saying this but I really want to try a cane. 

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Take it slow and communicate 

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

No where too crazy. I have been threatened with spankings in more public place but (thankfully!) they never happened

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

We started out with BDSM so we have tried pretty much everything. :) 

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Corner time 

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

Not to rush it

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

I chore that I am suppose to do every other day

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

Discipline. I LOVE Good Girl spankings but I need discipline spankings and so does our relationship 

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No. It would just feel wrong and out of balance

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

Sex or Cuddling 

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I brought it up. I told Bryan about 50 Shades of Grey and that the whole D/s dynamic was attractive to me and he agreed to start it.

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

The Lexan Paddle 

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

No

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

Probably don't be afraid to spank harder and Thank you for fulling this need I have to be submissive.
Also even though I sometimes whine about it, I like it when you are strict with me. 

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!

I really like this picture. I think its very sexy and whenever I look at it, it gives me the same feeling that I get when Bryan is pulling my panties down :)

And the wait is over!

I started writing this post last week and have now just gotten around to finishing it. :)


I'm writing this blog post on a pretty sore little bottom. I received two pretty tough spankings yesterday. I lived and I am glad it is over!! :)

The first spanking I received was for going WAY over my shopping budget....like 3x over..opps. Lol! So I love clothes and fashion and I love to shop! Too much! I have gotten myself into financial trouble over it. 

Because of this my boyfriend set a clothing budget for $100 a month and no using store credit cards. If I was going to buy anything over the budget, I need to consult with Bryan. Fair enough. Its actually is VERY good for me to have a low budget. 

Well this weekend one of my best friends was in town and we went shopping, And I lost my mind. I got a skirt, a dress, a top, and a jacket. At that point I had already gone $70 over my budget. But I didn't stop there! I went to the shoe department and saw these beautiful Michael Kors strappy sandals. I tried them on and loved them even more! So I bought them on my store credit card.... opps AND they were over $100.... opps.

When I got home reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke two rules blatantly. I finally got up the courage to tell Bryan. He was not pleased. He told me I was in big trouble and when he had the chance I would have a very sore behind. 

So when my friend left it was over Bryan's knee for me. :( He put me over his knee, bared my bottom, and started with his hand for a warm up. He than moved on to the Lexan paddle. I hate that thing! It stings like hell! It was the longest spanking I have ever had. I never thought it would end. But it did and I survived! 

Later that evening I got spanked for being VERY disresepctful. It was also a long spanking and hurt that much more because of the pervious spanking. 

I deserved both of these spankings and was almost grateful for them. I felt a little out of control again with my shopping and having Bryan enforce the rules put everything back in control. It felt wonderful to have boundaries and to have someone hold me accountable for my behavior. I am very lucky :)

                                               :)

                                     

Waiting for Spankings.....

So sorry I have not posted in a while. I just started school and working more and have not had a lot of time to blog. Also other than a few minor incidents I have been fairly good and really have not had a punishment spanking in a week or two...which is a long time for me....and haven't had anything to write about.

Well that all ended this weekend. I had a very good friend come to visit for a few days. Which was so much fun and I loved seeing her! But my respect and submission diminished.

I think because I knew Bryan couldn't spank me, since my friend was staying with us, I got it in my head that it was "no rules" weekend. Well I was wrong. There were still rules and I broke them and I'm now facing multiple spankings. :( :( :(

And what is worse is I don't know when they are coming. My bf doesn't usually give me a specific time of when he is going to spank me because he knows not knowing drives me nuts!! It really adds to the punishment!

Not knowing when or how bad the spanking is going to be (I'm guessing pretty bad), drives me nuts! I hate waiting for a spanking to begin with and not knowing when its is coming makes it that much worse.

Until all the spankings are over I go through a crazy extremes of emotions; from just wanting to get all the spankings over with now to wanting to put them off for as long as possible! Its a weird place to be in! LOL!

I'm working on trying to accept that I will be find myself in this position a lot over the next few days....

Submission and Shower Drains Part Two!

This post is a continuance from my last post Submission and Shower Drains. To sum it up really quickly, I had my first OH WOW moment when it came to submission!

After I had this "oh wow" moment, I began to wonder what has brought me to this point. I know this moment had a lot more to do with than just a shower drain. LOL!!  I came to the conclusion that it has to do with 1. my boyfriend and I moving into together and 2. how consistent Bryan has been with me, since moving in together. 

When my boyfriend and I were long distance, it was hard to make any punishment really effective. Part of this has to do with nothing makes me feel more submissive than a spanking. And needless to say with my boyfriend living hundreds of miles from me it was pretty impossible to give me a spanking! When I am spanked I feel his authority. I literally have no choice but to accept the punishment that I deserve. Also spankings make me feel taken care of and feminine and loved. So not being able to conduct regular spankings due to long distance really slowed down the process of being submissive. 

I am a pretty independent, strong willed, and stubborn women. Submission, even though it is what I want and crave, does not come easy for me and the long distance made it WAY harder! 

I think the thing that has made me really submit to his authority; is Bryan becoming way more consistent with me. For example a few weekends ago, Bryan was out of town, during that time I broke two rules; Over drinking and forgetting to take my meds. When he came home, I threw two huge fits and was very disrespectful. Normally, Bryan would have just given me one big spanking to deal with them all. BUT this time I got spanked for every offense...so four spankings.. :/....and during the week I was really on a roll and continued to be sassy and break rules and for each offense he spanked. It was a lot of spankings in a week and I was pretty sore but a part of me love it! The spankings hurt and having to wait for some of them was no fun, but it felt nice to know that I would be taken to task for each offense. It made me feel secure and cared for. Also I was pretty good about submitting to each spanking and I tried to stay as still as possible....which is something I have been working on.

I think all of these things combined with having to do a task I HATE but still chose to do over getting a paddling really made me feel Taken in Hand and Submissive. I love it! 

Submission and Shower Draines

So last night was the first time I have felt a 100% submissive to my boyfriend and a clogged shower drain was the catalyst to this submissive state! Who knew!?

Before I get into the story, I would like to give a little background of my relationship and our dynamic. We have been together for fours years and have been practicing a Dominate/Submissive dynamic for a little over a year. Last summer I was reading 50 Shades of Grey and I found it so hot and I could not get it out of my mind! I thought about it/fantasied about it so much about that I finally brought it up to my boyfriend and he was totally down to engage in a D/s dynamic. When we first started out, the relationship was more of a BDSM dynamic but it has slowly evolved to more a Domestic Discipline dynamic. The end of April 2013, my boyfriend and I moved into together! YAY! I love living with him and living together has really fast-forwarded the process of getting more comfortable in our roles and our dynamic! Which I also love!! 

                                     Where it all began!

So back to the shower drain....I have long thick dark hair and as much as I love it, I DO NOT love how easily the shower drain gets clogged! I HATE HATE HATE cleaning it out! I have a weak stomach and gag super easily so it makes it extra hard to do dirty smelly chores, liking cleaning out a drain. Anyway the drain was clogged again and my boyfriend informed me that since he cleaned it out last time and it was all of my hair that was clogging the drain, I had to clean the drain. I said, "No!" "I refuse to do it!" He replied "I think my paddle feels different and if I have to stand here and paddle you the entire time I will do it and you will clean the drain" GREAT! Well things came up and we got busy and I kept making excuse not to do it and basically just hoped that he would forget! Well that ended last night. My boyfriend told me that the drain better be cleaned out before he got back from work tomorrow or there would be hell to pay..UH OH! He than said "you could just do it now and be done with it." For the first time...LOL...I stopped and thought....I really have no choice, either I clean out the drain or get paddled. Since I didn't want to end up in this position AGAIN, I decided to clean it right then and there with his help/ threat of the paddle as encouragement!

So I know you are probably thinking, "Good for you. you did what you were told!", which I totally understand! However, for me this was huge. This was the first time that I realized, I either obey or face the consequences. No other choices. Before when my BF would tell me to do something or I would get spanked, I wouldn't take the threat seriously. I figured he would forget or I could talk myself out of it. This was the first time that I realized he will not forget and I cannot talk him out of it. I REALLY have to clean the drain! It was the first time that I realized, I have to clean this drain or faces the consequences because 1. I agreed/promised to obey him 2. I agreed to face the consequences if I did not obey and 3. All of this is what I want. This was the first time I have ever had that thought process, and it helped me to not only submit but want to submit. So I decided I can do it now and not get paddled or I can not do it, get paddled, and then still have to do it. I made the submissive decision and decided to  do as I was told. You know what? If felt great to finally submit fully to my love.

So in Love!

I had even more realization about myself and submission last night, but I fear this post is getting to0 long so I will do a part 2 tomorrow!